Near Kin, Incest

A lot of people know that this is a sin, but some do not so I am going to take a look first at what the bible says about it, and then what Jesus says to those that have been hurt in this manner.

For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves:  Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)   Romans 2:14-15

In the law of moses it says:
None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord.  The nakedness of thy father, or the nakedness of thy mother, shalt thou not uncover: she is thy mother; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.  The nakedness of thy father’s wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father’s nakedness.  The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.  The nakedness of thy son’s daughter, or of thy daughter’s daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thine own nakedness.  The nakedness of thy father’s wife’s daughter, begotten of thy father, she is thy sister, thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s sister: she is thy father’s near kinswoman.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister: for she is thy mother’s near kinswoman.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father’s brother, thou shalt not approach to his wife: she is thine aunt.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter in law: she is thy son’s wife; thou shalt not uncover her nakedness.  Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother’s wife: it is thy brother’s nakedness. Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son’s daughter, or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time.    Lev 18:6-18

Cursed be he that lieth with his father’s wife; because he uncovereth his father’s skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.     Deut 27:20

Cursed be he that lieth with his sister, the daughter of his father, or the daughter of his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.     Deut 27:22

Cursed be he that lieth with his mother in law. And all the people shall say, Amen.       Deut 27:23

But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:     Deut 28:15

If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD;  Then the Lord will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.      Deut 28:58-59

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?  Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.   Acts 2:37-38

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.  For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.  For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.  For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:9-13

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.     Isaiah 1:18

And if a man shall take his sister, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.    Lev 20:17

I noted how it said “they shall be cut off in the sight of their people” and I remembered how when incest happens to you, you feel different than everyone else, always on the outside, like an outcast.

the bible says:
Wherefore Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood, suffered without the gate.   Heb 13:12

He suffered as an outcast so He could take that reproach for us.
Jesus heard that they had cast him out; and when he had found him, he said unto him, Dost thou believe on the Son of God? John 9:35

… he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.     Isaiah 53:5-6

But thou, Israel, art my servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, the seed of Abraham my friend. Thou whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called thee from the chief men thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away.  Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.   Isaiah 41:8-10

And if a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife, he hath uncovered his uncle’s nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless. Lev 20:20

For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.          Gal 3:10

Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:  That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.       Gal 3:13-14

For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.  Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God;   Eph 2:18-19

The old testament has more than curses, it also has promises:  “For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.”  2Cor 1:20

And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb… Deut 7:13

Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.   Deut 7:14

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh… Gal 5:13

To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. Acts 26:18

God does not blame the young victims of incest, it was not their fault, Jesus died so they could be free of condemnation and guilt and anything else that would separate them from God. He does however hold adults accountable and only with true repentance can they be set free and forgiven.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.  And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;  To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.  Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.  For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. 2 Cor 5:17-21

In 1 Corinthians there is a chapter that deals with a man that was a member of the church that was in an incestuous relationship. Paul spoke harshly and with many tears of this fornication, that it be stopped:
It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.  And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.  For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,  In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,  To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.  Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump? 1 Cor 5:1-6

In 2 Corinthians we see that the sin was ended and the man was restored to fellowship:
For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you.  But if any have caused grief, he hath not grieved me, but in part: that I may not overcharge you all. Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many.  So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.  Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.  For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things.  To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;  Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.   2 Cor 2:4-11

For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent , though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season.  Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.  For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.          2 Cor 7:8-10

When a man has an incestuous relationship with one of his children, the wife is sometimes hesitant to divorce the husband. They often aren’t sure what the bible says about this, there is no scripture that says, “if your husband sexually abuses your child you shall get divorced.” There is however the part where Jesus talks about fornication as a reason for divorce: And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Matt 19:9

Fornication is a valid reason to get divorced, in the passage I quoted from Corinthians, Paul called the incestuous relationship *fornication*. Fornication is sex outside the marriage bed. I believe fornication with a minor child, especially ones own child, is an extremely sinful type of fornication. Jesus said it would be better for someone that offends a little child to have a millstone tied around their neck and them drowned in the depths of the sea, a millstone and drowning would be better than the punishment they are going to receive if they do not truly repent.

Pedophiles are very good at fake repentance, and they are known to attend churches because they know that too often churches are believing someone has repented when they havent actually repented at all. Even if a person repents of having committed incest with a child they should not be unsupervised around children, one way to know if a pedophile has truly repented or not is if they make a big fuss when you tell them they cannot be around children at your church. A truly repentant person wouldnt want to be put in a position of temptation and wouldnt object to not being allowed around children.

If we do not divorce a spouse that has committed incest with our children I believe that if we leave our children in a position of being abused again we will have to answer to God for further abuse as much as the one that abused them. If they are abused again and it was in our power to protect them by separating or divorcing and we didn’t, I believe we have responsibility also. I am not convinced that a parent can keep constant watch over vulnerable children no matter how hard they try when the abuser is living in the same house every day.

There is forgiveness for pedophiles in Jesus mercy. If they repent, He is as willing to forgive them just as any other truly repentant sinner. I also know that as a recovered alcoholic I have learned that God does not want me to be in a place of temptation constantly. I did not go back to cocktail waitressing, I don’t eat dinner every night in bars, I have no desire to be a bartender. Now Jesus might ask me to go into a bar to talk with someone, occasionally and in His Spirit, under His direction I would gladly do that but I would probably take a friend with me. A very wise man once said to me, If you hang out at the barbershop often enough, you will get a haircut.

“Lead us not into temptation” may mean separating from the abusing spouse until the children are grown, if your spouse is truly repentant and is saved, then Jesus will make you both able to bear it. If the perpetrator stays in a situation where there is constant temptation, even though they can withstand it at first, there may come a day when they cannot. Then if they succumb to the temptation and abuse their child again, the child will be much more deeply injured, the child will feel that the other parent didn’t keep them safe, and the searing of the offenders conscience may make it very difficult for them to ever repent again.

If there is much upset by the perpetrator about the suggestion of separating and how it is too great a punishment and not fair, that shows a not humble contrite spirit that accompanies true repentance. A person truly convicted of sin and truly repentant would feel so bad about what he or she has done to the child, a sin that may scar the child for life, they would put the childs welfare above their own and gladly do anything to advance the healing of the child. They would deny themselves and take up their cross daily and prove to be true disciples of Jesus.

To knowingly leave your child in the unsupervised care of a person that has sexually abused a child is the same as offering your child up to be sinned against, I believe you share in the guilt of the crime if there is another situation of abuse. To leave a person who has abused children before in power (whether in family, in ministry or professionally) over children is extremely unwise, illegal and immoral in my opinion. As I said earlier, if the person has truly repented then they will be humble enough to admit this is true and never put themselves in an unsupervised position with children themselves.

Jesus said:
Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:      Matthew 3:8