Emotions after ending addictions

    When you sober up you will often discover to your horror that you have emotions! The difference between an alcoholics emotions and a person with no addictions emotions is that alcoholics have tons of them stored up behind reservoirs inside them. The same is true of people with ptsd or abuse survivors. A person that has not had much trauma in life and isn’t alcoholic or drug dependent has emotions that regularly come and go. When they are sad they cry and then feel better. They can laugh whole heartedly. Substance users dont feel emotions like normal, often thats why they use, so they dont have to feel so much.

Emotions are fluid and frequently changing like rivers or clouds. When an alcoholic sobers up and starts to feel a bunch of sad, or scared, he often panics and immediately wants to numb out again. I remember having to stand in my living room and say, “I am sad, it is ok to feel sad, the book of Lamentations in the bible is sad and God wrote it, its ok to feel sad, i dont have to run from it.”

When I finally let myself feel sad I felt really really sad because I had a reservoir of it in there. When it became overwhelming I distracted myself, purposely changing my emotion. I watched a funny show, played happy music, went for a walk. I tried to feel my sad a little everyday but I didn’t let it get me stuck there. I was draining my reservoir so it would be tolerable.

I remember the first time I let myself cry, I cried for days. I thought it would never stop. Some really nice lady said to me, you will quit crying eventually, the body is only 80% water. That was funny so I laughed! And stopped crying.  My reservoirs went down from overfull and then I was able to feel emotions as they came and went throughout the day- without the insane desire to drink them away. If you have suffered a lot of trauma or abuse it is best to do this with a skilled therepest or friend. In the beginning when it seems overwhelming, they will know what is going on and can call often and check in on you so you don’t spiral into a dangerous depression.

Because of my past abuse, my depression and flashbacks were out of control and I sought help with it. First I looked in the church I was attending, but I found that most there only specialized in fast food type ministering. “You’re healed…next!”

They had a lot of really important other things to do. The help I needed takes lots of compassion and time, and its often inconvenient.

I went through my options, first I thought about some deliverance and healing ministries that I had heard of. I remembered that some people that were healed by people using formulas instead of walking in the Spirit were often damaged even more than they originally were. In her book, “Healing Victims of Sexual Abuse” Paula Sandford gives great wisdom and insight. She and her husband ministered for many years to the broken and abused. She also wrote that her book is not to be taken as a formula and applied as a ministry apart from the direct guidance of the Holy Spirit. What I found in a lot of churches I visited is that some had done exactly what she had warned not to do. They used the book as a outline and tried to minister by their knowledge instead of Jesus’. Many abuse victims were re-traumatized by this.

I looked into christian certified therepests but I could never come up with the huge hourly fee. None accepted insurance. Most people I know that have suffered from abuse have had difficult lives and don’t have that kind of money. I had to go to counseling as part of my probation and I had state insurance so I had to go to a public mental health facility. If you seek professional help please pray about it, I have had good experiences and bad experiences with counselors. Jesus sent a friend to help me through the hard times, sometimes just having a listening ear helps tremendously.

In that public mental health agency after seeing a few therapests that i thought really needed their own therapests, I was offered some methods of therapy that went against my faith. But I ended up finally getting one that had a good reputation with working with trauma victims. Boy was I surprised. Christians had warned me not to go to counseling in a secular agency at all because they said they would wreck my faith and teach me ungodly things. This therapest though, had been working there for a lot of years with low pay, bottom of the barrel clients, heartbreaking work, believing that the Lord wanted her there. I am so glad He did! I knew I needed Godly counsel, I just didn’t expect to find it there at public mental health services!

Alcohol and drugs are but a symptom of something else going on in us. I used because of my guilt, shame, fears and hurts. To get and stay sober i needed to deal with why i was drinking.

In talking about emotions I am not suggesting we let our emotions become the basis of our faith or the determiner of our actions as some claim people do. I am saved even when I am very sad. I am saved because I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and He died on the cross for me. This is true whether I am happy or sad or distraught. When I have my emotions working properly though, I can talk to someone going through something hard and I can really feel for them. I can laugh out loud with someone going through something joyful in their life. I can really love people instead of putting on my “good christian suit” and “leading” them with my distant intelligent cold detached wisdom. I can feel.

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.   Romans 12:15

When we are numb and detached and still wise and full of helpful tips for others, when we tell someone that Jesus loves them. can they actually feel that we love them? Are we a true reflection of His love?

Emotions are hard for me because i spent so many years detached from them, but i have learned a few things about them.  I can feel my anger but I do not have to act on it. God doesn’t take all my anger away and say ‘never feel angry again’. I feel my anger and take it to my Heavenly Father and say, “what that person did to me made me really angry, instead of punching them I bring it to You Lord.” Then I choose to let Him take it. Sometimes He says, that made me angry also. Sometimes He points out that I started it and provoked them and then He shows me how to behave better in His love.” If I feel anger starting to rise in me and choose to stuff it or deny it, it builds up in that reservoir. A reservoir of anger will eventually explode. The final straw will come one day and all that anger you have been keeping in for years will come storming out. It usually happens in the wrong place at the wrong time. Little things that don’t usually bother you will make you really smolder.

If you don’t deal with your emotions you still may be able to be sober for awhile, maybe years even, but if those reservoirs are still full there will come a day when you have to get drunk again. If you don’t succumb to the temptation to use again you will become a dry drunk. That means that I took away my alcohol but I am still angry, bitter, depressed, controlling, judgemental, miserable, and unable to look Up.

Some WW2 veterans that I have met were very tough on the exterior but when they got together with others that had been through the same hell, they sat around and reminisced. They told stories, they cried together. They didn’t do this with everyone, just with those that had also been there and understood. They healed. There were other vets that went through the same things in the same war, but were taught that real men don’t cry and they stuffed all those horrors inside. Most of those died alcoholics and alone.

Jesus is compassionate. He never walked up to anyone and said, “yeah, get over that, toughen up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps” Jesus holds people in His arms, weeping with them, letting them pour it all out. Bring your emotions to Him and let Him heal you and help you through it.