Letting Jesus heal our hearts

The hurts I suffered I denied, I repressed, I toughened up and went on anyway, I split off into a place in my head where I didn’t have to think about them, I got drunk over them so I didn’t have to think of them, I got really into work so I would have no time to dwell on them, I put the past behind me and pressed on, I started over with a whole new life, but they kept coming back. Even a tried and true alcoholic will sometimes face times in the early morning hours when he is out of alcohol and there are no stores or bars open, and he has to hear his heart in its sorrow or regret or shame.

No matter how I tried I couldn’t totally escape me and my life. But even in sobriety, when someone would say something to me sometimes it would trigger a flashback and I would space out. AA showed me that alcohol is but a symptom of a real problem we had. Becoming sober doesn’t last very long unless we deal with the underlying reasons why we are drinking. Sometimes things people said weren’t quite so triggering to give me flashbacks, but I would answer and deal with things from a position of weakness and shame, or fear, or anger. The Lord showed me that I had wounds on my heart and soul that had never been healed. They were big things and they were small things, things I didn’t think I had to deal with, and some things I didn’t want to deal with. He showed me that they also left holes in my armour that an enemy could pierce me through.

When a cat gets an abscess, the vet opens it and puts a drain in it, and lets it drain for days so that all the infection will drain out. Often we have old hurts that were never healed up, we just put a “I can handle it bandaid” on it, or even in our christain walk we say,

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,  I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.    Phil 3:13-14

If the Lord is calling us to immediately forgive and forget then this is what we must do, He will give us His love for a person that has injured us. Other times though, the Lord wants us to look into those things that have hurt us and haven’t healed properly. If the wound wasn’t treated properly then it becomes an infected wound, if someone hurt us, we aren’t to deny that, we are to take it to Jesus. (and a Godly counselor if necessary)

We don’t say, “Lord forgive them, it didn’t hurt me at all”. We come in truth and say, Lord this person wronged me and this is how it hurt me. We let ourselves be honest and feel the pain and say, Lord that really does hurt, I feel angry or frightened, or whatever we really do feel, letting all the infection drain out. We don’t endlessly wallow in it, we just let ourselves feel what we are really feeling and we pour out our pain and sorrow and anger and hurt to the Lord. And we ask Him to forgive them, to forgive them for the injustice that they did and to release them from the debt that is owed us.

Too often we pretend we are not feeling what we really are, we somehow have become convinced that having real emotions is somehow un-Christian or shows a lack of faith but thats not what the bible shows us at all:

David experienced anguish and prayed to the Lord and asked for understanding. He didn’t say he didn’t have anguish.

Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delights. The righteousness of thy testimonies is everlasting: give me understanding, and I shall live.        Psalms 119:143-144

The apostle paul experienced anguish:

For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears;                          2 Cor 2:4

It was very difficult for me to even admit i had emotions, a young child being abused realizes very quickly that its very dangerous to express emotions. Violent abusers dont allow their victims to express pain or fear or to scream, they only allow strict obedience.

I suffered much abuse when I was young and again in my 20’s and 30’s . I learned early to keep it all bottled up inside, but this lead to infected wounds. I needed Jesus to help me to bring these things to Him so He could pour in oil and wine and heal me.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.   Luke 10:33-34

I asked my friend Ramona why oil and wine? she said:

oil is a softener it keeps the scab soft so that it will heal without a scar. anointing s are done with oil. the Holy Spirit baptism is referred to as the anointing. Jesus is the Anointed One that baptizes in the Holy Spirit. The Comforter, we let Him comfort us in our distress, we let Him soften us. We let Him pour into us His love like wine.

Jesus doesn’t want us to keep going on and on not feeling what we are really feeling, He wants us to bring our hurts to Him, so that He can heal them. So we don’t have to drink over them.

We can bring our hurts to Jesus, we can let Him show us things about the new covenant, about how He has paid the price for any of our shortcomings, and brought forgiveness to us and through us. He sometimes shows us how we are drinking the cup of His sufferings, and He shows us that abuse that happened to us was not His will, but that He can turn it for good in our lives. He pours in His compassion and comfort, and then He closes the up wound right.

That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;  In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Col 2:2-3

When I have let the Lord do this with my old wounds,  I can see and answer and react from my position in Jesus, the position of a child of a great King, walking in the fruit of the Spirit, I am able to love people instead of just tolerating them. I am free to truly pray for my enemies with no malice or unforgiveness, but with His mercy instead while still keeping safe boundaries from those that are still abusive. I still have farther to go, but by bringing these things to the Light and seeking the Lords compassion, I am free from having to dwell in my past, I am unbound from the chains that have held me in anger and bitterness and unforgiveness. These things don’t have the power to separate me from Jesus anymore.

Now I have memories with no sting in them. Now when I am faced with a similar situation as my past, I am able to see the new situation in the Light, without being so triggered and having all my old memories and fear rise up. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment…”    1 John 4:18

It was very difficult at first because when i began to let myself remember things and to feel things i spiraled into non stop flashbacks and memories flooded me, so i got into counseling with a trauma therapest and learned some grounding skills and how to make sure i was in a safe enough emotional place to be able to look at really hurtful things.

There was no way i was able to pay for ‘christian counseling’ and i had been through some ‘biblical counseling’ via a church that was extremely damaging and guilt producing so i instead went to a public mental health facility.

I had a few therapests at first that werent wonderful but i asked for a trauma experienced one and had a very compassionate and qualified one that helped tremendously and also happened to be a christian. Please use prayer and caution in this area because so many well meaning christians have tried to minister to abuse victims by seeing how Jesus healed others and just copying that, He wants to lead us by His Spirit into newness of life, not dead works. Much damage can be done if counseling is not led by Jesus when we deal with old wounds. A professionally untrained person in a church taking some scriptures and slapping them on abuse victims can do as much damage or more than a ‘worldy’ counselor does. Worse because they can distort how we think God feels about us.

God is not mad at abuse victims any more than you would be angry at your child for being abused by a stranger at a city park. And while it is important to forgive our enemies, i cant imagine any parent that would first say that to a child that was abused, they would care for the injured child first!  If you need a counselor for help going through abuse memories, I pray that the Lord will show you one that will truly help and that He will also show you if the one you are using is not helping so you can get another. Also remember there are hotlines that are available 24/7 for times of crisis, in US- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;  Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.    John 14:16-18