Emotions

Emotions. I have heard several sides of the emotions issue. I have heard christians say you must not be emotional or follow your emotions. I have heard non christians say that christians are uncaring, boring, and well, unemotional. We must certainly go by the Word of God to know who we are and our value in Jesus, to know that we have great promises and are children of God no matter if we feel like it or not. When we are having times of difficulty it is easy to live in discouragement and depression or doubt, I am not suggesting we should do that. Having emotions and feeling them and expressing them is not the same as that though.

In therepy I learned that people can live on either end of a spectrum between their rational mind and their emotional mind. If I live in my rational mind only I become very analytical and rational and have little or no emotions. If I live only in my emotional mind I am not balanced either, often carried about with every wind of emotion. In the middle of these two extremes, my therepest calls a place called wise mind. It is a place where we use our rational and our emotional together and it is very balanced. Hearing that reminded me of Jesus, who is very wise and emotional also. The scriptures say things like: exceeding sorrowful, great rejoicing, a man acquainted with sorrow and grief, and exceeding great joy! Jesus wept, if it were wrong to cry God wouldn’t have given us tear ducts, and Jesus certainly wouldn’t have done it.

People often don’t like to feel “negative” emotions so they sometimes block out all their emotions. “Negative” emotions are things like fear, sorrow, and anger. The problem with blocking out our emotions is that we become numb and we find that it is not possible to do it selectively. Our joy becomes stunted also, and our love isn’t full and deep. Jesus love was full and we are commanded to love as He loves.

Emotions are not wrong. What we sometimes do with our emotions can be very sinful though. An example is when someones anger controls them and they hurt people or themselves. The Word of God says that God has anger, He has wrath.

Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.    Eph 5:6

If you are a child of God through His Son Jesus, Jesus saves us from the wrath of God and we become part of His beloved, filled with His grace and compassion and love, even though we occasionally mess up.

He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.    John 3:36

So God has anger and we are made in His image, so we have anger also. The Lord has not promised anywhere in the bible to take away all of our anger, He might want us to clear a temple of money changers one day. But our anger must be brought under the cross of Jesus and we must die to self, or it is sinful.

For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.    James 1:20

Surely the wrath of man shall praise thee: the remainder of wrath shalt thou restrain.           Psalms 76:10

We are not called to pretend that nothing angers us, we are instructed though:

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:       Eph 4:26

When I am angry I let myself feel it a bit and express it to Jesus, asking Him to take it and free me from the sinful effects of it. If I need to forgive a person that has angered me, it is easier to do when I give my anger to Jesus and pray that he will use His judgement in the matter. I leave it up to Him what happens to the person and I ask Him to forgive them and bless them. A funny thing about anger is that when a situation has angered me, often the Lord will have me vent my anger to Him and then show me that what I am really feeling is hurt, or scared.

That is called masking a feeling with another feeling, we do it a lot in America because we are taught that to feel indignation and anger is ok, but to feel vulnerable is not. People that repress their anger and say things like, “it is unchristian to feel anger so I wont have any”, only store up their anger in a reservoir inside. When the reservoir gets full, as it eventually always does, then their anger comes boiling out and is often vented on people they never meant to hurt.

For me it all came out when I turned about 30 and lost everything I ever had. It came out in a place called superior court and I spent the next night in jail. It is only by the grace of God that my anger at all those years of being hurt didn’t cause me to hurt someone else. Before that day I didn’t appear angry outwardly to others, I kept it all inside. If you have a reservoir full of anger, I would suggest you make an appointment with the Wise and Wonderful Counselor Jesus and ask Him to help you empty it. And I pray that He will fill you with His great and wonderful love and compassion and walk you through coming to terms with the things that have happened to you in the past.

Fear is another emotion that all people have. Often christians try to always put on a strong front and deny that they are afraid. It is ok to do this when it is necessary to not let others see your fear, but it is also ok at the same time to pray, “Jesus I am scared”. Jesus desires truth in the inward parts.

King David said:
Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.  In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Psalms 56:2-4

    He did not say, “I am never afraid”, he took his fear full circle with Jesus instead. He starts out admitting that he has times of fear, then the Lord has him put His trust in God, and then he ends up remembering that he doesn’t have to fear what man might do.

The apostle Paul experienced fears:
For, when we were come into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears.     2 Cor 7:5

Instead of trying to be strong in themselves, they took their fears to the Lord. They let themselves feel what they honestly felt and sitting before the feet of Jesus poured it out to Him. Then Jesus was able to fill them afresh with the Holy Spirit and boldness. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is faith unfeigned.

We will have sorrow sometimes. Alot of churches seem to think its wrong to feel sad and that Christians should only feel happy all the time, they seem to want cookie cutter members who never have any needs and only smile and do whatever the pastor wants them to. That is not real Christianity. 

But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou?  But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart.     John 16:5-6

Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.  A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.  And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.      John 16:20-22

I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost, 2 That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart. 3 For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh:   Romans 9:1-3

There is Godly sorrow.

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.      2 Cor 7:10

For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.  I sent him therefore the more carefully, that, when ye see him again, ye may rejoice, and that I may be the less sorrowful.   Phil 2:27-28

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.      Matt 5:3-4

Walk honestly with Jesus, not pretending to always be what you think everyone else wants you to be. Live out loud, feel what you really feel.

Jesus wants me to feel my emotions, and he wants me to tell Him the truth, to tell Him how I am really feeling. If I am sad, or happy, or angry or however I am feeling. If I am angry I should tell Him that, its ok that I get angry, I can admit it. I do this not so I can keep it, but I admit it to Him in truth so He can take it away. If I deny it or stuff it or pretend its not there I am covering it with deceit and keeping it in my heart.

If a person has experienced trauma in their lives and never allowed themselves to feel and express their emotions, unrelated but similar things can irritate them, without them knowing why.

They can over react to situations that might not normally bother them, they can get irritated by people that have done nothing to them, but remind them of someone or some situation. An example of this is occasionally I meet someone that irritates me. They irritate me because they are large, or small, or have black hair, or red hair, or blond hair, or they talk in a certain way, it can be anything really. They irritate me and I don’t want to be around them, not really knowing why, because I don’t even know them. When I bring it to Jesus and say, Lord that person really irritates me! He shows me why.

One time I was around young kids and I really, really loved them freely, they could do no wrong in my sight and it was pure joy. Another time I was around a 5 year old little girl and I saw her as noisy, messy, and annoying. (I forget sometimes that 5 year olds are by nature sometimes noisy and messy and annoying).

The problem was though, that this little annoying 5 year old reminded me too much of myself when I was 5 and being abused traumatically. I needed to take it to Jesus and say, I am being reminded of the horror again, please help, I am crabby and irritable. He said, “when you are weak, then I am strong, let Me heal you.” As I keep bringing it back to Jesus, he heals me more and more. When my reservoir of hurt is empty I am able to see if the next little 5 year old girl is really being unruly and needing gentle correction or if they simply need more love, or if it is just me being triggered by my past.

The other, easier, solution to this is to just avoid all people that annoy and irritate me, but then I miss so much of life. Then I am become the person like the Sunday school teachers I had when I was young and annoying and so desperately needing love and found instead sternness. It is hard and often full of pain to deal with our issues, but it is so worth it. Jesus came to set us free, and His other name is Truth. I try to walk in the Truth about me and my feelings now, even if it is uncomfortable for awhile.

I let those emotions come and go, they are fluid like a river, or a cloud that passes by. Sometimes it seems the tide comes in like a flood, but I remember it goes out slowly at the ocean. I remember being on the beach in the San Juan Islands when the tide was up high once and I got distracted by looking at all the shells and driftwood on the shoreline and when I looked up again the tide was a mile out. When my emotional tide is too high I try to think about Jesus and pray and distract myself, knowing that it will go back out again. I try to remember that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Real joy, joy from the presence of Jesus, by His Spirit.

 Peter said to the crowd of people, after Jesus was already crucified and risen again, in heaven already:

“… the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;  And he shall send Jesus Christ, which before was preached unto you:” Acts 3:19-20

And as Jesus Himself said:

Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.    John 16:7

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;  Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.     John 14:16-18

When a person has been abused and they try to talk about it with a christian all sorts of emotions come up. They may be full of anger that comes spewing out, or resentment, or things like that. Often the christian will see this and say things like, Don’t say that, you must forgive! What they are saying is that it is wrong for the person to feel that way. But that is not true, people have emotions, it is totally right for an abused person to feel that way. Back in the cave man days if a giant mastodon came suddenly around the bend, joe cave man would feel fear. It is an emotion and reaction that God has put in the man for his own safety, it causes him to seek safety. If joe cave man cannot escape, his anger will rise up in him and he will try and intimidate the mastodon by standing taller or yelling or throwing something at it. This is a survival mechanism. The abused person often has all these feelings bottled up inside because if they weren’t able to escape the abuse, they weren’t able to vent these feelings. They need to be able to now express these feelings, and get them out.

If we short cut this step by telling people to forgive immediately and not express those emotions, then that anger or bitterness or hurt stays inside only to grow bigger later. Healing is a journey of  draining of hate and anger and pain. That is what enables a victim to become transformed into a survivor, he is able to get those things out. He doesn’t want to stay in a life edged with bitterness or anger anyway, it is no fun. Bitter angry people don’t want to stay that way, they just haven’t had many people show them the way out. Telling them that their feelings are wrong doesn’t help get their anger out, it builds it up more instead. If someone were in a car accident that wasn’t their fault and they were badly injured and shaken emotionally, would you walk up to the scene and tell them to stop feeling upset? Jesus doesn’t, He listens, He sends the Comforter to comfort.

Anger, resentment, bitterness, these things are poured out at the foot of the cross, sometimes from a distance. I had a time when I was angry at my abusers, but also I was very angry at the Great Big God that allowed it. But I did picture the empty cross, the cross of Jesus is where I knew that God had put all my sin so that I could be forgiven and one day live in heaven where there is no death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.

I couldn’t come very close to the Lord because of all this anger so I pictured the cross on a hill some distance away. I took my anger and put it in a cardboard box and punted it over there on that hill I pictured, to the foot of the cross. I felt my anger before I put it in that box. I felt it and punted it. Then I felt it again and vented it to someone I could trust, until I was able to cry.

When I was able later to forgive, I didn’t say, “what they did didn’t hurt me at all, God forgive them”. I said in honesty, “this hurt me a great deal and it has had an impact on my whole life, Lord I pray you would forgive them this great big HUGE debt they owe me. I don’t want to have a life filled with resentment or anger or bitterness Lord, please help me let it go, You suffered unjustly also. I cannot get past this on my own, the hurt has injured me and I need You to heal me so I can have a life worth living. I need your forgiveness also Lord, so I forgive those that have sinned against me as You said I must. Please show me where You were in all this, please help me understand it.”

It says that it is for lack of understanding that My people have gone astray. God is not afraid of our honesty, He wants to show us the things we can’t understand. When He does that, then we are able to come near to Him, because those things like anger and not knowing, aren’t there to separate us from Him any more. If He doesn’t show us right away the “why’s”, He will often instead fill us with the peace of God that passes understanding.

While we are told to forgive all of our enemies the bible does not say to pray for everyone,  “If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it.”       1 John 5:16

I try to follow my heart in this area, trusting that Jesus will show me when i am wrong. Sometimes i feel the need only to say, Father forgive them, and other times its “forgive them and bless them like in this example:

When my anger at one of my abusers would return, often late in the night, I was reminded Jesus said to pray for them that despitefully used me. “Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.” Luke 6:28

Those prayers were very powerful. Much more powerful than an offhand prayer for a person I might meet in a restaurant somewhere, or prayers that say in truth: God bless that retched person I am trying not to hate. After I was able to be honest about how I felt, and vent my anger, the Lord took all my honest feelings and turned them into fervent prayers. Those prayers came out something like this: “Oh Lord, that person hurt me to such a very deep level, bless them, not just a little, but to the same extent of the sin, bless them that much Lord. Open their eyes to You, draw them to You, pour out the Holy Spirit soooo much in their lives, multiply the blessing a hundred times the extent of their sin”.

Every time I would think of the particular person, as I felt hurt or anger try to come back I would just turn that right back into blessing. “Lord bless them so much that they cannot even contain it. Lord let them have blessed sleep and wake in so much joy that they just smile all day long even if they don’t know why. Lord destroy the demons that caused all this sin, utterly destroy the sin Lord, but bless this person with Jesus and truth and light, set them free Lord in Your mercy, because Jesus died for the sins of the whole world. Lord, when you said Let there be light, you didn’t ask anyone’s permission. Jesus you said to bless those that curse you and despitefully use you, So, Lord I pray this: For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Cor 4:6) Get em Jesus!”

I don’t often pray like that but sometimes my prayer life is Jesus doing through me what i cant do on my own, its inspired and zealous and wonderful.